Introduction
The words who and whom confuse even confident English speakers. You may have typed a sentence, paused, and thought, “Is this who or whom?” especially in emails, formal writing, or exams. To make things harder, many people avoid whom entirely because it sounds formal or old-fashioned.
But here’s the good news: the difference between who and whom is logical and easy once you understand one simple rule. Although they sound similar, they serve completely different purposes in a sentence.
In this guide, we’ll clearly explain who vs whom in simple, conversational English, with examples, a comparison table, real-life dialogues, and memory tricks so you’ll never second-guess yourself again.
What Is Who?
Let’s start with who.
Meaning of who
Who is a subject pronoun. It refers to the person doing the action in a sentence just like he, she, or they.
How who works in sentences
Ask yourself: Who is performing the action?
Examples:
- Who is calling me?
- She is the person who wrote the article.
- Who wants coffee?
In these sentences, who is the subject performing the action (calling, writing, wanting).
Key traits of who
- Acts as the subject
- Can be replaced with he / she / they
- Very common in spoken and written English
✅ Key rule:
If you can replace the word with he or she, use who.
What Is Whom?
Now let’s look at whom.
Meaning of whom
Whom is an object pronoun. It refers to the person receiving the action similar to him, her, or them.
How whom works in sentences
Ask yourself: Whom is the action happening to?
Examples:
- Whom did you call?
- She is the person whom I met yesterday.
- Whom should I contact?
In these sentences, whom receives the action (being called, met, contacted).
Key traits of whom
- Acts as the object
- Can be replaced with him / her / them
- Common in formal or written English
✅ Key rule:
If you can replace the word with him or her, use whom.
Key Differences Between Who and Whom
Here’s a clear side-by-side comparison:
| Feature | Who | Whom |
|---|---|---|
| Grammar role | Subject | Object |
| Replaced by | He / She / They | Him / Her / Them |
| Function | Does the action | Receives the action |
| Common usage | Everyday speech & writing | Formal or careful writing |
| Example | Who called you? | Whom did you call? |
🎯 Quick takeaway:
Who = subject
Whom = object
Real-Life Conversation Examples
Let’s see how people confuse who and whom—and how to fix it.
🗣️ Dialogue 1: Workplace Email
Employee: To who should I send this file?
Manager: It should be whom you’re sending it to someone.
Employee: Got it!
🎯 Lesson: Prepositions often signal whom.
🗣️ Dialogue 2: Casual Conversation
Friend: Whom is calling you?
You: It should be who—they’re doing the calling.
Friend: Oh, right!
🎯 Lesson: The doer of the action takes who.
🗣️ Dialogue 3: Classroom Question
Student: Is “the person who I met” correct?
Teacher: It should be whom, but who is acceptable in casual English.
Student: That helps.
🎯 Lesson: Spoken English is flexible, but rules still exist.
🗣️ Dialogue 4: Formal Writing
Writer: Should I use who or whom here?
Editor: If it replaces him, use whom.
Writer: Easy enough.
🎯 Lesson: The him/her test works every time.
When to Use Who vs Whom
Here’s a simple decision guide.
✅ Use who when:
- The person is doing the action
- You can replace it with he/she
- Writing casually or conversationally
Examples:
- Who is responsible?
- She’s the one who decided.
- Who broke the vase?
✅ Use whom when:
- The person receives the action
- You can replace it with him/her
- Writing formally or professionally
- The word follows a preposition (to, with, for, by)
Examples:
- Whom did you invite?
- The colleague whom I trust
- To whom it may concern
Common Mistakes to Avoid
❌ “Whom is going to attend?”
✔️ “Who is going to attend?”
❌ “The person who I spoke to” (formal writing)
✔️ “The person whom I spoke to”
❌ Overusing whom to sound formal
✔️ Use it only when it’s grammatically correct
Correct usage improves clarity and credibility instantly.
Fun Fact & Memory Trick
Here’s the easiest trick to remember forever:
- Who → He
- Whom → Him
Ask the question and answer it:
- Who called? → He called ✅
- Whom did you call? → I called him ✅
📌 Another tip:
If there’s a preposition right before the word (to whom, with whom), whom is almost always correct.
Conclusion
The difference between whom or who is all about who’s doing the action and who’s receiving it. Who is the subject. Whom is the object. Once you apply the he/him test, the confusion disappears completely.
You don’t need to fear whom you just need to know when it belongs.
Next time someone asks who or whom, you’ll know exactly what they mean—and which one is correct! ✅
